We constantly blame ourselves for having lost emotional control in one situation or another. But, alas, as the French say, this is “humor on the stairs”: understanding how to act in this situation comes only when the acute moment has already passed, we go out “on the stairs” and begin to scold ourselves for intemperance. Of course, anger, fear or excessive joy are not the best advisers. Strong in hindsight, we promise ourselves that next time we will definitely behave sensibly. But, alas, the next time emotions, rearing up like horses, again get out of our control.
The easiest way is to recognize emotions as an atavism inherited from prehistoric times, a primitive mechanism of adaptation. For example, fear – makes you run away from danger, rage – mobilizes muscles, pleasure – in pursuit of which you forget about fatigue, and so on. Psychologist E. Clapared believes exactly this: “The uselessness or even harm of emotion is known to everyone. For example, imagine a person who crosses the street and who is afraid of cars. Surely such a person will lose self-control and run. Fear, sadness, rage, joy, anger – weaken common sense, which subsequently forces us to commit completely undesirable actions. Simply put, a person caught in the grip of emotion loses his mind.”
E. Klapared is right about one thing: if our life consisted only of transitions of busy highways, emotions would be useless, but, fortunately, life is much richer. Emotional coldness sometimes interferes with business relationships and is absolutely unacceptable in personal ones. Although ten out of ten people would like to reduce the manifestation of emotions to a sufficient minimum, it is impossible to completely abandon them. Even the ancient philosopher Marcus Aurelius considered the ideal state of mind to be dispassion, which manifests itself when a person experiences exceptionally reasonable emotions. Erasmus of Rotterdam wrote that there is only one way to harmony and happiness: know yourself, and only then do everything according to the decision of the mind, and not depending on emotions.
Nevertheless, many modern psychologists oppose the restraint of emotions. For example, psychologist Robert Holt believes that the inability to express anger or rage in a particular situation subsequently leads to a significant deterioration in well-being, and if you regularly extinguish anger in yourself, this leads to the development of a number of diseases such as stomach ulcers, hypertension, migraines, etc. Holt suggested learning to express anger constructively, not forgetting that a person overcome with anger actually seeks to “maintain, establish or restore positive relationships with others.” The main thing is to try to “sincerely express your feelings and, at the same time, maintain control over their intensity.”
But, alas, anger is just a loss of control, and we try not to fall into anger precisely because we suspect: we will not be able to control ourselves and direct this emotional outburst in a positive direction.